Chapter 8: Hard Times — Etiquette, Integrity, and Living With a Rare Disease
- acctholly
- Dec 22, 2025
- 2 min read
Etiquette is often misunderstood as something superficial—rules about which fork to use or how to write a thank-you note. But at its core, etiquette has always been about how we treat one another, especially when life becomes difficult.
Emily Post understood this deeply. Her legendary work on etiquette was never about perfection or social status. It was about respect, integrity, honesty, and consideration for others, particularly during moments of hardship. In many ways, etiquette was meant to guide us through hard times—not disappear when they arrive.
Today, it feels like this understanding has been lost.
Hard Times Change Everything
Living with a chronic illness and a rare disease has required me to pivot in ways I never anticipated. Goals I worked toward, careers I built, and plans I believed were secure all had to be reimagined—sometimes abandoned entirely. Disability doesn’t just change your health; it reshapes your future.
Alongside illness came realities many people don’t talk about openly:
Financial instability
Bankruptcy
Living in poverty
Being labeled ELI—Extremely Low Income
These labels are clinical, but the experience is deeply human. They carry stigma, judgment, and misunderstanding. They also reveal something important: who shows up when life gets hard—and who does not.
Etiquette in Hard Times
True etiquette isn’t tested in comfort. It is tested in crisis.
In hard times, etiquette looks like:
Honesty instead of secrecy
Integrity instead of convenience
Support instead of silence
Reliability instead of promises that disappear
It means not lying to protect appearances.Not withholding truth to avoid discomfort.Not abandoning people because their circumstances make us uneasy.
Being someone others can rely on—especially when illness, disability, or poverty enter the picture—is one of the highest forms of character.
What We’ve Stepped Away From
Somewhere along the way, we stepped away from the idea that doing what is right matters, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. We’ve confused politeness with kindness and silence with respect.
Emily Post taught that manners were a reflection of values.Values like:
Merit
Integrity
Accountability
Compassion
These aren’t outdated concepts. They are desperately needed—especially in systems that often fail people living with disabilities and rare diseases.
The Quiet Work of Integrity
When you are chronically ill, you learn quickly that you cannot afford dishonesty—especially from those you trust. Integrity becomes survival. Clear communication matters. Truth matters. Dependability matters.
Etiquette, in its truest form, is not about appearances. It is about how safely people can stand beside you in hard times.
A Call Back to What Matters
Hard times reveal character—ours and others’. They show us who believes in dignity regardless of income, ability, or productivity. They remind us that etiquette is not a lost art because it is old, but because we stopped practicing it when it mattered most.
Perhaps it is time to return to Emily Post’s original lesson:That how we treat one another—especially in moments of vulnerability—is the legacy we leave behind.
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